But since you have made this checklist yourself, you are more aware of what’s in it and more invested in getting what you want and need out of play. Sure there are a lot of comprehensive BDSM checklists that you could fill out if you don't want to really think about what turns you on and drives you crazy with pleasure. Make sure you know your BDSM checklist and what you want and need from the scene and your play partner before negotiating.Īn important part of negotiating a scene is discussing what you want out of the scene. ‘Not a Checklist’ Negotiation Sheet for BDSM Bottoms by Tornus (PDF)Ĭoming into the negotiation unprepared can lead to many issues and disappointments for the scene. Each list ranges in detail, so find one that meets your needs. These lists have important information like talking with potential partners about health issues, triggers, medications, etc. You can look for a negotiation checklist online or in books. Ask yourself how interested you think you might be and rate them 1 to 5, with five being “most interested” and one being “not that interested but might with the right partner.” If you want to take your thought process further, you can rewrite the MAYBE column and add a rating to each item. These are the icing on the cake items that make play fascinating, challenging, and fun. You can mark the rest with 'W' for want, including some in the MAYBE column. Look at the YES column and mark it with an 'N' if you need it to have a good play session. Triggers ( like "Don't use belts, they remind me of childhood abuse.")
This is the exploration list.Īnd just in case you didn't think of them, here are a few things that end up on the NO list of many experienced players: The MAYBE column is for things you might like to do with the right person or if you were turned on enough or interested in but need to figure out the safety around it. The NO column is for the things that are out of your limits at this time or things you don't want to do. In the YES column, write all the items you know you like or want to try. At the top, mark them YES, NO, and MAYBE. This is not meant to be a list to end all lists only a list of the things you are aware of.Īfter you finish the big list of all possible activities, make three columns on your piece of paper. You can come up with things you’ve read in erotic novels, seen in movies, or heard about from conversations. Even if you have a limits list already written up, start fresh.įirst, take out a piece of paper or open a blank document on your computer and list all the sexual and BDSM activities you can think of, including the ones you wouldn't choose for yourself. See what you can come up with on your own. Today I'd like you to get together your Yes/No/Maybe list. This list will give you a better view of your desires and limits than a premade list where you rank things by number, leaving you questioning if you really are kinky by the number of question marks you put down on things you don't know. It doesn't require you to look up terms you don't know or figure out if you'd be into something you've never heard of. This list is a living document and can be updated as you grow and develop your submission. The kind of list that I really like is the “Yes/No/Maybe” list. If you list the things you enjoy or don't enjoy, you can easily share them with the person you want to play with or develop a power exchange dynamic to find out if you can build a scene or relationship that will satisfy both of your needs and desires. You can call them limit lists, negotiation lists, negotiation checklists, and many other names. Whether your checklist is long or short, it is not a measure of how kinky you are, so start where you are and build from there.īDSM checklists all live under different names. It is often a long, extensive list of likes and dislikes, things to try, and things to never do.
Using a BDSM checklist is one of the better ways to explore not only what possibilities await you but also gives you a tool to use when talking to a potential play partner about what to do and the things you might enjoy.Ī BDSM checklist is an exploration tool developed by BDSM practitioners to help them organize their kinks, fetishes, and interesting activities and provide them with a negotiation tool for playing with others. Thankfully, you’ve decided to research what you might like and how much of a kink it is to you.
Diving into the deep end of the pool is never recommended, but when it comes to BDSM, many people crave just that.
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